Going through Liddos Pub on Keekorok road #MemoriesOfAPubReviewer

Extreme hour is almost here
Extreme hour is almost here

So I reviewed Apple Bees on Munyu Road and thought that I had seen the most risqué experience that one could see in Nairobi. Wasn’t I the one who had been in Apple Bees VIP and seen things? I would find a place where this thoughts would quickly be cast aside; Liddos Discotheque.

Liddos is a pub also in the back streets of Nairobi with biggest famous bar nearby being Roast House at the roundabout of Tom Mboya Street by the Fire Station. Apologies for this description which might seem a bit haphazard; this is how some of us describe things where I come from. For those who want a more straightforward description, the venue is on Keekorok road.

It was when having a drink with some friends that we declared that we should see the red lights of the city at night. As you have probably figured out, we were already quite toasted having been drinking at the Panafric Hotel on Valley Road after a function there so our courage was at its highest. We all know Liddos. They were the guys with these posters around town that promised the hottest babes in the business so we all agreed to go; a drunken unanimous decision.

We went into this place where we paid Kshs200; this was starting to become a pattern in these Nairobi adult entertainment spots that I did not appreciate. Nairobi is a place where we refuse to pay entry fees and leave Kshs5,000 with the bar when leaving; entrance fees mess up the drinking budget.

The place was nominally better décor wise than Apple Bees but that really wasn’t a very big compliment as Apple Bees was no Sankara Hotel at the time. And then there was that thing that does my head in with the pubs in my town; one entrance, one exit and no emergency exit. What would happen would there be an emergency here? I would have hated to imagine.

What Liddos did have were dancing girls’. They weren’t as well coordinated as those ones at the previous place I had been but they had something special going for them; youth. The ladies at Apple Bees were slightly more fully bodied while these ones could pass for college students. They were also more fearless here. And more unruly. I know this as one offered me a lap dance (which I agreed to for research heh) and when she left and I was without my passport.

It was a school night but the more we stayed out the more we wanted to see what they had to offer. At four AM (yes ladies and gentlemen, that’s 4am), an emcee grabbed a microphone and yelled into it; “Its extreme hour hear at Liddos! Ladies, get onto the tables.”

Liddos 3The patrons who I assumed were regulars started yelling excitedly, in an alcoholic stupor I assumed. Nothing of the sort. The emcee yelled, “Who is going first?! Nani wa kwanza?!” When one fellow was chosen and he yelled in joy, it became evident that there was something different afoot. He was told to sit on one of the tables and one of the ladies straddled him. She unzipped him and started giving him a lap dance. As she did so, the emcee in the background was yelling, “that man must come, but no penetration!”

As I saw this in my drunk haze, I sobered up pretty quickly. Around me there were many men, I actually don’t remember seeing any single woman at the place, looking as this man’s senses and nether regions were assaulted. He didn’t last long; it must have been all the excitement and the eyes and he was quickly replaced by another gentleman. The second man on the other table seemed to be able to resist the lady giving him a lap dance until she mounted him and there I was watching live sex with my own now very sober eyes. That stuff can completely mess you up and I remember that for a week or two after that, the sight stuck in my head.

I never went back. There were too many pubs to review and not enough time to keep visiting them. I will however never forget the sight of that first guy’s eyes joy as he was the first selected for extreme action. Or them bugging as he found his happy ending. Its sights like these that made me realise that this town I spent my childhood had grown up; It was not a decently sized town but I major metropolitan hub.

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