| :: How not to spend Madaraka Day Weekend
04 June 2008
It was Madaraka day weekend and like Beckham would say in that
falsetto of his, "It was going to be totally massive."
Everyone had planned this weekend to a tee. Fred was telling me
that he would be having a drink in Bob's on Friday (yes Bobs in
Mombasa). Akina Bunduz
guys were on their way to Rhino Charge to have a ball. I had been
planning this seminar that backfired
in a major way and I was not in a very nice mood although
the Thursday evening I was cheered up when I passed by the Goethe
to see the weirdest performance you ever saw… the German
equivalent of a one man guitar. No one dared sleep as they looked
mesmerized as this dude fiddled with all manner of instruments
yet seemed to come out with a strange compelling sound. And then
off course we (that’s Vivian and myself)
passed by Inaara to drink
some free wine. Or rather Barclays and Winemasters were giving
lessons to dulas like me on what wines are. I ran into Gitau
Muraguri who is now with Barclays. And said hi to TV
personality Tim Njiru chilling with a rather
attractive lass. And Helen who sells dudes clothes
(note to self: hook up with the lady as I upgrade wardrobe....).
Off course I was dressed in an old Gotea
Dimba T-shirt and this Indian lady who looked real official
wanted me out and demanded to know why I was there. I explained
that I was there to drink free wine. She was not too pleased with
confession. She sent over one of her Miro staffers and he too
demanded to know where I was from. I whispered into his ear and
he quickly left me to drink my free wine. Can any one guess what
I whispered into his ear boys and girls?
The Friday started at the Splash Water world at the KWAL launch
of their new Tropical Breeze Ice drink to be henceforth referred
in this report as TBI seeing as that name is way too long. There
were several people in the house like David Nalo
formerly PS with the Ministry
of Trade. And former minister Mukisa Kituyi
who I last met at a SSMB do many
moons ago. And current assistant for trade Minister Omingo
Magara and many other dudes and dudettes. I joined some
Easy FM people like Anne and Sheila
as the drink was being officially launched. Nice meeting y'all.
And then the drink was introduced as three freezing chubby girls
in different coloured swimming trunks went into the freezing evening
water (can I hear a brrr!!!) and got a huge TBI bottle from behind
some rocks. Good stuff. Gerald Masila MD KWAL
and Eve De Souza event emcee and Capital
FM DJ then did an interesting one on one and the event was
officially launched and we all started the party with some psyche.
I was having a good time taking care that Splash water did not
pour on poor old me and I pretty much succeeded. How was I supposed
to know that I would get a shower of beer from good ol'
Giddy giddy some random reveller. At least I was not
the only one who got showered. There was me Stevo, Ng’endo
and Tony in the line of fire at that
table and Grace was looking at us with that quizzical
look of hers that you can’t quite read. At least I didn’t
fall off the stage when with were dancing with some rather hot
mamacitas like a person that shall for now remain unnamed. We
eventually had enough of the TBI and headed to Carnie
where Mugithi night was going down. By this time I was quite full
of that sickly sweetness that is TBI and I was hoping for a bit
of respite. But as soon as we sat down the pints continued flowing
(damn you payday!). Eventually we found ourselves at Rezorous
where we met the “Evil Ladies”. We were eventually
being kicked out of that establishment after they had cleaned
out the place and we just had time to eat a few boiled eggs before
getting to my bed sometime before 9am. Would I make it to the
Celtel Sawa Sawa press conference at 10am?
It was a Saturday at 5pm when I am checking into the Arboretum
for the Sawa Sawa Festival and am seeing Grace and Vivian as they
walk out. Had I already missed Baba Maal? Luckily
I catch the dude as he and Eric Wainaina are
doing a serious jam and I am feeling quite pleased with myself.
I had only wanted to see the Baba Maal and there I was jamming
singing with the man like a nutter (no no and again I say no!
I am not a nutter!!). Isn't great to alive? And I was seeing people
all over the place. Like Violet Amanya
Kwanda who I haven't seen in yonks and who is now with
one of the UN agencies. And Muoki Kioko recording
the event away like the world was about to end as usual. He was
part of this new initiative Rescue
Kenya which is pretty cool and y’all should check
it out. There was also a rumour that Mo Ibrahim
the billionaire founder of Celtel
had been spotted running around in a T-shirt that could not be
immediately be verified. I also run into Oyunga Pala
the "woman hating misogynist” as one of my friends
claimed the other day. I think he's cool, just misunderstood by
the ladies. Like that Copernicus who was burnt at the stake by
the Catholics huko zamani za kale for stating that the earth was
not the centre of the universe. The guy was right but the world
wasn't willing to listen so they burnt him. Fortunately in these
enlightened times we don't burn visionaries but give them briefs
to edit magazines for women that
claim to be for men.
And there was a whole load of other people. Like Grandmaster
Masese who has a poetry event at Wasanii
on June 12 and y'all have to attend (I’m serious…
Repeat after me in your highest falsetto, “Its going to
be totally massive”). And there was Anto Mwangi
with Dave Ohingo. And Gidi who
had cooled off and told me the story behind my unplanned shower.
Also in the house was that dude from East
African TV… wait I got it… he is called Raymond
(doesn’t that name remind
you of blankets he he?). There was also a huge bunch of pals
from Ghetto
Radio. And our old chum Ngwatilo
and Charity and Al Kags and
his hot sister whose name I keep forgetting. And also James
Sangoro who is called Sheriff by many of us. Sheriff
informed me that I was too busy watching the Baba Maal performance
and missed the best ones; Mama Maal and the Maals. I found that
hilarious but retelling the joke to other pals would only elicit
blank looks from the hearer. Clearly I am not a funny man. And
there was good 'ol Kinyua Nteere who is now reviewing
movies with that Daily Metro (Boo!!! Hiss!!!). As I was checking
out I ran into Makadem and I was telling the
dude we meet at Wasanii and off I went.
At Wasanii I was to see several of the same people that I was
seeing at the Sawa Sawa thing at the Arboretum. The new person
here that I didn’t say hi to the arboretum was Brenda
Mulinya and I said hi and she kindly offered to be maid
of honour at my humiliation in a
few weeks time. She is Man
U damu so you can imagine that I was thinking hard. She was
being genuine and I had to think this through. Thanks for the
offer though. There was a bit of changes as I sang a bit at the
Karaoke. My deep sexy baritone horrible voice
was nowhere in sight. I normally sing quite badly but tonight
my voice was clearly gone. Was it that TBI doing tricks with my
voice I wonder? Eventually I was to find myself (I find myself
a lot at places. Here’s how to do it.... Imagine the place
in your mind, click your heels thrice and voila! You are there.
Works every time) doing a few more places before my body finally
gave in and I had to head home. They included Ale House, Changes
and Red Tape. By the time I was getting home my body was bruised
and battered and my voice was gone completely. The last time I
shout at concerts like a mad man for hours and then party till
dawn. Or perhaps the last time I drink several bottles of TBI
at one sitting.
It was now Sunday and I had just checked into my diggs a few
hours before. My head was throbbing from the all the alcohol I
had put away but no rest for the weary. I was woken up at noon
by the cellphone call of extremely hot (too obvious?) Millie from
Storymoja who reminded me that Story mania was starting at 2pm.
As she was telling me all I could do was drag my hangover and
pained carcass to the shower and have a rejuvenating cold one
that woke me up somewhat. I was nearly good as new although my
voice was still nowhere in sight. Now I know why Mariah Carey
(Nick Cannon? Why!? Sob) uses only sign language just before a
major concert. Walking around with an injured throat is no fun
I assure you. Especially when you start talking and you get a
sharp pain in your throat... I made it to Dass Restaurant in Westie
for the Story Mania to listen to Stories being told and I was
not disappointed that I was here. Great performances from some
of the duos. And there was a Mchongoano session that made my (and
many others) day. Here is one for you... Wewe ni mweusi mpaka
uki enda kwa duka Kiwi zinakuona na zinaanza kuimba "we are
family" (sing like the pointers sisters song ehe?).
Good stuff. After the session we had a few drinks with Muthoni
and Millie and Arno and Professor
and a young student called Guy and someone else
I can't quite put my finger on and were joined up eventually by
Potash. It was a great
discussion.
Before you could say hiyoo ni upumbazu tuuu, Potash, Arno and
I were in Club Afrique listening to Eric Wainaina as he sang his
beloved songs. I danced (and met a few pals on the dance floor
seeing as Eric is so popular) but I was clearly on my last legs
and my body was yelling enough! Enough! But nooo... I had to call
the evil ladies and we were to meet at Wasanii. By this time I
am operating on no voice and a very poor sleep to awake proportion.
And here we were still thinking about going out. We passed by
Sherlock’s Den where DJ Jack who had moved from Choices
was now spinning some seriously cool rock (thanks for the heads
up Smitta). We listen to some good rock but my body was not up
to it and I was getting to my bed at 2am for the first time in
three nights. What a pleasure.
I would never recommend this kind of treatment to your bodies
and I had to sleep in the whole day Monday. As I type this on
Wednesday my voice is still coming back in dribs and drabs….
I do not recommend anyone to try this. Not by any stretch of the
imagination. If you try this do not blame me for the consequences
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